No butts about it
My first wife once brought up the idea of using a dildo on my ass. I flipped out, and not in a good way. My ass, I told her, was for exit only. Anyone putting anything in there would get a black eye…or worse.
It’s a shame that I had that reaction, but cause I really love having a woman fuck my ass. I mean: I REALLY love it. I beg for it…but Mistress likes it enough that I don’t usually have to beg long. (YAY!)
To understand how I got from there to here, it’s important to understand WHY I was there in the first place. I grew up in the land of the “man’s man.” Men weren’t just grown up boys, they were rough and tough and didn’t take shit from anyone. My grandfather once got a job running a construction crew because he fought better than anyone in town. My uncle cut the tip off his finger at work, continued working for over an hour with a red rag wrapped around it, drove himself over forty miles to the hospital, and then filled out the insurance paperwork – with the injured hand. Get the idea?
Anything that hinted at weakness had to be purged from a boy so he could be a man. Without a doubt, one of the things that made a man a man is that he loved women. Homosexuality wasn’t just a crime against God’s Law, it was an admission that a guy just wasn’t really a man. In fact, anything that hinted at homosexuality was probably best ridiculed…like touching another man in any way other than a hand-shake.
The idea that a guy would derive pleasure from anything going into his anus was OBVIOUSLY an admission of homosexuality. It meant he wasn’t a man. He was some sort of weird sissy-boy who just…well, he was a bit throwed-off.
So I couldn’t even contemplate the idea of enjoying my own ass in any sexual manner.
I have, since that time, evolved a more enlightened concept of manhood. I no longer fear homosexuality, not in myself and not in others. I understand that some people just like other people with the same sexual equipment, just like some guys like women with big butts and some like women with tiny breasts. It isn’t even worthy of noting, honestly.
My first step away from that extreme point was the discovery of my prostate. I don’t really remember where I heard about prostate play, but it must have made it sound REALLY good. I found objects around the house that would reach and found that it was an amazing feeling. I want to stress – this was incredibly unsafe, and with the easy availability of sex toys today, there is no reason someone would do something so stupid.
I still kept that hidden from my first wife. A big part of it was that I didn’t want her to think I was gay. Ultimately, I simply didn’t trust her enough to make myself vulnerable. She never cracked through the hard shell I had built around my innermost sense of manhood. For that matter, neither did I.
My second wife and I discussed it. We were actually pretty close to trying it once, but something about the way she talked about it spooked me. I just wasn’t self-aware enough to talk to her about what I needed – and I was just realizing that I needed a dominant sexual partner. She was never dominant, so we never came to an arrangement on the anal sex.
I began to experiment, though. I ordered sex-toys on-line (DO THIS!!!). I tried a small plug, then worked up to a medium plug. I got a prostate vibrator…which is pretty damned good. But I never had what I really craved. I never had a woman who would strapon a dildo and fuck my ass.
Until, that is, I met Mistress Delila.
When I first started talking to Mistress about handing my sexuality over to Her – and that was all I was willing to do at first – I needed two things. I needed orgasm control and I needed to be taken anally. The first one was easily establish over the phone. The latter…it took a bit more.
The first time Mistress took my ass, I was terrified. Every possible outcome scared me. I was scared She wouldn’t like it. I was scared She would. I was scared that I would like it. I was scared I would hate it. I was scared it wouldn’t feel good. I was scared that I would love the way it felt. Frankly, I don’t know how I managed to relax enough for Her to do it.
That remains the single most-transformative experience of my life. She took me with such gentleness and tenderness…and not only did I enjoy it, but I could see on Her face that She liked it. Most importantly, She let me know that it was okay for me to enjoy it. She let me know that She still respected my manliness, even during and after that first time She took my ass.
Everything about being taken anally is wonderful to me. When I lie on my back, I can look up into Her face and see what wondrous love She has for me. When I’m on my belly, it’s purely about Her Domination over me. I love the feeling of the first thrust when my body is forced open. I love the feeling of Her hips smacking against my body (and the sound of it). I love the wet, silky feeling of Her girl-cock sliding in and out of my anus. It drives me wild when She angles it so that it hits my prostate and I end up dripping fluid. She has brought me to tears by singing me love songs while taking me. She has made me fully orgasm (not the same as prostate milking). She has made me feel beautiful and loved and treasured. She has made me feel wonderfully slutty and dirty and completely possessed.
Most of all, I love the incredible experience of being totally vulnerable with someone I trust even more than I trust myself. That feeling is so sweet that it is very nearly addictive.
THAT is what I want everyone to know.
I’ve read enough psychobabble to know that there are some who claim that this is a sort of bi-sexuality. Or it is a way for me to experience homosexual pleasures without admitting what they are. Or it is “being in touch with my feminine side.” Or it is simply about the prostate being stimulated. Or it is something like this or that or the other thing.
Well, it could be any or all of that for any given guy who does it. For me, it is none of that. I’m not feminine when I give up my ass. I’m not bi-sexual or gay (I’ve never felt any sexual attraction to any man on earth). It doesn’t matter if She hits my prostate or not.
For me, it is being manly enough to make myself vulnerable. It’s being secure enough in my masculinity to humble (not humiliate) myself by turning over to Her the one thing that I have hidden from everyone but Her. It is trusting Her to make the experience just as transcendent every single time She enters me. It is the manliest thing I can do, because it is revealing the man who resides behind every facade I erect to keep the world at bay.
Yes, there is an aspect of being a man that is reflected in being tough – and I know, without a doubt, I can hold my own under pressure. But the bigger measure of a man, I have always thought, is the measure of love he is willing to give away. I surrender my ass to Mistress Delila because I love Her, and I gave away ownership of secret desires and hidden pleasures when She claimed me as Her property.
This is not to say that every guy will love being assfucked. I am entirely sure that there are many who would not. That’s fine. But it’s time we moved beyond labeling individual sex acts as indicative of masculinity and started looking at the man engaged in the activity. If he’s vulnerable – physically or emotionally – then he is engaged in a masculine activity, because he is revealing his masculine self. If he is not vulnerable; then it is merely sex and he is just using someone else to masturbate.